Posts tagged life advice
citizen kerry
Someday i'm going to understand America. Until then, I have this blog.
7 things brady learned from a broken bone
Brady, aka, relovingit, posted a cool list about what she’s learned from being on crutches for almost two months. I thought they were good tips—for life, for health, and also for helping others in this situation—and wanted to share!
1) A slower life is a better life. Because I can’t rush, I don’t. I take my time getting out of bed, bathing, changing the laundry, making coffee, doing my work, reading my favorite blogs. I’m much happier, and I get more quality work done.
2) In the future, I will be a better friend. I was never very thoughtful before when people were sick or injured. Now I know how much a visit, care package, or ride to campus can mean. (Thanks especially to bimsk, foldedmaptravel, and dearworld.)
3) Don’t be afraid to show vulnerability. I’ve had tons of positive encounters with Chicago strangers in the last 6 weeks. And I made all kinds of friends in New Orleans and Siesta Key. (I was especially popular with the retirees.) When people can see that you’re struggling, they tend to be willing, even eager to help. Also, riding around on a scooter or hobbling on crutches is a great conversation starter.
4) Eat when you’re hungry, and stop when you’re satisfied. I was very worried when my injury happened that I’d gain a bunch of weight. Turns out, as long as I paid attention, I wanted much less food than I do when I’m at my normal activity level. I haven’t been able to weigh myself, but I haven’t noticed any visible changes, and none of my clothes feel any tighter. Your body just knows what it’s doing, I guess.
5) Sleep as much as you can. I’ve let myself get as much rest as I want in order to let the healing process happen. My stress levels have never been lower.
6) Social services are critical. I’ve experienced firsthand a teeny tiny slice of what life is like for someone who lives with a disability. Amenities like wheelchair ramps, elevators, automatic doors, railings, handicapped parking, and airport escorts are really important, especially for those who aren’t going to heal in 10 weeks.
7) A body is not to be taken for granted. Like many runners, I used to be kind of cavalier about pain - considering knee tweaking and muscle pulls part of the package, even something worth bragging about. But for me at least, exercise is something I do to be healthy. I’m not winning any races, not making any money through running. I’m not doing myself any favors by treating my legs badly. When I get back out there this spring, I’m going to train more carefully, be more respectful of my limitations. Bottom line: If you’re healthy, you’re so out-of-this-world lucky. Don’t blow it.
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life report
David Brooks at the NYT is doing the coolest thing, seriously. He’s inviting people over 70 to evaluate their life so far—what’s worked, what didn’t, and what they’ve learned. I am so going to soak up this free advice from thoughtful elders!!
In my own life, I often cringe whenever I remember what I was thinking/doing/believing just two years ago. This is always true, no matter how old I am. My take on Me-Two-Years-Ago for the past 12 years has consistently been, “What a dummy!” with a mix of curiosity and often, intrigue. (Like: how am I even the same person, if my opinions are totally different and my cells have all regenerated?!)
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dating, seen through the 7 literary conflicts
Recently, a Reader Who Shall Remain Anonymous asked me about dating in New York City. I’m always psyched to know that someone wants to hear what I have to say, about anything, so I thought I’d give it a go.
I try to avoid writing about this topic because there was a time in my life, not too long ago, when I was all drama, and I’m glad to be out of it. I’d like to say I looked inside, dug deep, and grew, but in reality I started seeing someone who is very grounded.
All to say: I think I can write about this once without regressing.
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what do you think of people who say “yoga is my church”?
I think the parallels between yoga and church are obvious, but just in case: both last about 90 minutes, often on Sundays, and are typically organized by a guru. Sometimes that person has a cult-y following and enjoys incense or other scents. There is chanting. There are references to older texts. Hopefully you leave both feeling like a better person.
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tip: be a good friend for $1.43
I don’t do well in hot weather, and I caught myself turning into a one-woman Summer of Sam this weekend when people bumped into me. I CANNOT HANDLE THE EXTRA BODY HEAT, STRANGERS! (Oh, you didn’t hear? There was a heat wave.) I’m so glad I don’t live in Palm Springs … I’d never make friends and feel so sad when Coachella came around and I had no one to go with.
Anyway, on Saturday, after walking up five flights of stairs to enter my apartment, where it was a balmy 92 degrees, I opened my mail and discovered this:
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good advice for grads and other people
Recently I was at the Strand bookstore to hear my friend Elaine Sciolino read from her book about France, La Seduction.
Elaine is a firecracker of a woman—super smart, practically fearless, and totally charming. She was on the plane with Khomeini when he flew back to Iran to lead the revolution. Most recently, she was Paris Bureau Chief of the New York Times.
And she’s written a great book about her experiences in France. I highly recommend it for anyone who loves reading. Especially good for people who like books that make them think, laugh, and/or learn.
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things to tell yourself when you get called for jury duty
Recently I was summoned for jury duty.
You’d think, given the fact that I write a blog called Citizen Kerry, that I’d have welcomed this month-long opportunity to learn about America with other randomly selected New Yorkers.
Instead I went through the cycle of grief: denial, anger (why me?!), bargaining, sadness, and finally, acceptance.
I recognize the irony in this.
But here’s the thing about irony: it’s never fun when you’re the one living it. Just ask that girl in O’Henry’s “Gift of the Magi.” [Spoiler alert!] She chopped off all her hair in order to buy her husband a useless watch chain. A great move for readers, so sad for Della. That story is often cited to explain irony, but really it illustrates how couples lack honest communication about finances.
tip: get better at geography without really trying
I admire my friend Kelly for many reasons: she is a champion bocce player, she took the Trans-Siberian express, and the girl zipped through Cloud Atlas.
And now, I admire her for this:
It’s a map of Africa!
In her bathroom!
The backstory is that one day, Kelly was talking to a cab driver, and she guessed he was from Ghana.
“Almost!” he said. “My country is very close to Ghana.” He said it as if the answer was then obvious.
It was not.
Turns out he was from Sierra Leone.
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how to leave manhattan (and simmer down) without really leaving
Which comes first: Being a type-A person, or living in New York City?
It’s the chicken-or-the-egg question, and every city has one. For example, in LA, it’s: which comes first, living in Los Angeles, or wanting to write a screenplay?
Which brings me to Roosevelt Island.
Does everyone know that this place exists? It’s a tiny island between Manhattan and Astoria, located in the East River.
I think it’s fun to remember that, much like Hawaii or Puerto Rico, New York City is an archipelago.
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things i’ve learned about life and america from doing this blog
If you told me about a woman whose favorite discovery of 2010 was her blogging platform, I’d feel a little bad for her.
Except I am that woman.
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10 things restaurant customers should know
Update: Colleen has some great points in the comments below and Glamsoda added several funny viewpoints here. Thanks, ladies!
**
Once I was at a group dinner and some people could not stop talking about how bad the service was. Essentially our waitress’s great crime was that she disappeared for long stretches of time (after she got our orders right). Do you understand the injustice? People had to wait ten minutes to order a second drink!
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tricking myself into ethical behavior
There are lots of obvious reasons why I am not the person to write about ethics (#1: I am a sometimes shi**y little person; and #2: I’m not an expert in this subject). Also, It’s Friday morning and too early to go all Portlandia on anyone.
Sorry!
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having it all: love*success*sex*money
I don’t want to brag, but I’ve read a lot of self-help books. Like, if they gave out PhDs in the genre, I’d be at least a third year grad student. Like, I can quote from Why Men Love Bitches. Which is why, for 2011, I thought it would be a fun cultural safari to read the American classics, to compare some of the “issues” of today with those of the 1950s or the 1980s.
However: Do you know how awkward it is to read self-help books on the subway? It’s like announcing:
1) Hey, everyone, I have this problem!
2) This is how I go about fixing it!
3) No, I can’t just “wait until I’m home” to read in private.
So you can imagine the confused looks I’ve been getting thanks to this gem:
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on pretending to ignore homeless people, part two
Recently I wrote about my lifelong commitment to ignoring American homeless people. I’m not sure how I settled on this life choice, but I think the logic was: they are crazy and dangerous (an urban legend left over from the Reagan years). Or they will just use money to buy booze. (Surprisingly hard to prove.) Nothing I can do will help them anyway. And besides, I’m in a hurry to get to The Spotted Pig.
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breakfast at crackers: reasons to think like an american indian
Prior to breakfast with Donald Fixico, Distinguished Foundation Professor of History at Arizona State University, my knowledge of American Indians* was a flatline punctuated with the kinds of words that help you pass an AP test: Andrew Jackson, Trail of Tears, and Geronimo. Plus Sarah Vowell is part Cherokee. And casinos… So it was quite a treat to sit down with Professor Fixico, who is Shawnee, Sac & Fox, Muscogee Creek and Seminole and author of 10 books about Native Americans. (Sidenote apropos of nothing: apparently his last name is so common among Creeks he called it the equivalent of mainstream’s “Smith.”)
*per donald fixico it is OK to say “american indian” and even “indian.”
ANYWAY, Turns out traditional Indians have a totally different way of viewing the world that’s incongruous with—but ironically, very useful to—mainstream life. Here’s some of what I learned at Crackers and Company Cafe in Mesa, Arizona. Any inanity is all mine.
1. You are your community. In traditional culture, people think about who they are in terms of how they coexist with other people, animals, and the universe. It’s one big circle, and we are all in it together.
2. If you want to understand people, look at what makes them laugh. This is from Lakota activist Vine Deloria Jr. Fans of Human Giant or Stoned Love, we are already simpatico.
3. “Seeing” is not just for your eyes. It’s absorbing the world through all your senses, taking into account dreams and intuition and hearing as well.
4. What we speak to we give life to. Apparently the Navajo nailed that phrase before yoga teachers? Silly me. Another related point, which I’d like to incorporate into my life: Listening is an activity in itself, separate from “thinking about what you’re going to say when this person is done talking.” (It’s a view shared by another tribe I admire: really solid improvisers).
5. Instinct and intuition are prized gifts. Talents are divinely given to serve the community, and can be abstract qualities we can’t quite quantify, like someone who has intuition, or heals, or always knows the right thing to say. (My friend Joanna!) If these gifts are not honored, they can be taken away. (Use it or lose it, Joanna!)
6. Grandmas spot gifts. Yay-being-useful-in-old-age. I don’t think anyone looks to mainstream America for tips on how to honor old folks.
7. It takes two generations to change attitudes. That is Donald Fixico’s guestimate, not mine, but my experience validates it. Hang in there, gays!
