Posts tagged life advice
Posts tagged life advice
What matters most in life is how we choose to look in a bikini.
The pinnacle of womanhood is getting back your beach bod within weeks of giving birth.
The tan is always tanner on the other person.
Your worth as a mother is measured by how well you dress your children.
Live a balanced life: shop some and shop some more and get designers to give you free shit.
Always remember that true friends are people who talk about you to reporters.
A few months ago, two wise friends told me, separately, in a nice-ish way, that I’m a very reactive person and maybe I should work on this.
I did a mental scroll of issues I’ve had with people in the past decade and realized that—with every problem I’ve had, ever—my hot-headedness has played a role. (Sorry, all my ex-boyfriends!)
The hardest part about a quarterlife crisis is having to use such an unsavory term to describe truly uncomfortable feelings. I wish we had a more subtle way to say, “I’m in my twenties and I’m lost.”
I’ve been thinking about this because recently, a friend who is 27, told me she was finally out of her year-long quarterlife crisis. I was amazed she could nail it down to such a specific time period.
In retrospect, my entire 20s were one long quarterlife crisis.
There was a stretch when it seemed like every year I somehow gained another 5 pounds, made $4 less an hour, and racked up even more debt. I didn’t feel like I could control my body or my finances and oh man, it was stressful.
I had no interest in reading Lean In, because I had seen Sheryl Sandberg’s TedTalk and figured I got her point. I just didn’t like it.
And that point was: women shouldn’t scale back their ambition because they might have kids someday. Instead, we should lean in to our careers, because we don’t know if/when we’ll have kids. Also, the world needs more female leaders, and it’s up to us.
It all seemed annoyingly preachy, like Michael Phelps telling us to train harder for the 400 i.m. without asking, “Hey, do you even want to swim?”
I went because I wanted to spend time with my friend, and was feeling more amenable to the idea of “movement” after being on a yoga retreat.
But I had no interest in spinning, or getting my ass kicked, or bike-riding, or that awful weird-mat smell I associate with fitness classes, or being with a group of women who were (I assumed) so obsessed with thin that they were choosing to suffer on a Sunday morning.
A mature person might say: I did not think it would be my style.
You will note, I did not.
We need a hobby, or we need a dream, or technology has made it too easy to be an internet troll, or we don’t realize we’re being internet trolls because we have blind spots (it’s OK, we’re human!), or we think bullying only counts if the person is not famous, or it’s a distraction from trying to understand North Korea.
I saw a good quote over at Alain de Botton’s Twitter, which was something along the lines of: “if you’re not embarrassed by who you were a few years ago, then you’re not learning enough.”
I dont want to shock anyone, but I found dating to be very stressful.
1. Why are we seeing this issue differently?
2. Am I not explaining myself clearly?
3. How could I be more right?
4. Have I ever been more right in my entire life than I am right now?
5. Could a human being ever be more right than I am now?
I must feel neutral or better about myself after 90% of our interactions.
I turned 35 recently, and it wasn’t so bad.
I feared turning 35 for all the reasons you’d guess a 35 year-old-woman who-hopes-to have-children-someday might fear that age.
When the day came, I didn’t feel any different, except that I was obsessively thinking about how I felt about my age.
And I realized, I’m happier than I was in my 20s.
About 10 years ago, when I first had inklings that I was a really judgmental person, I started to use the line, “Well, you never know what someone is going through…”
Here is a made-up example: Say a friend left her boyfriend for a guy I didn’t like.
I’d join in on the gossip, catch myself blabbing about it, and then say with a sigh, “Well, you never know what someone is going through…”
After judging the gal, of course.
Advice to college kids typically boils down to: don’t be a jerk, keep on learning, and make friends. I always soak it up, even though I haven’t been a student in 10 years. This is because I am a person, and good advice for college kids is also typically good advice for all people. Hence those commencement speeches that go viral.
But do you know what tip you can only use while you are in college, which is something I didn’t understand when I was there? It’s this: MILK THE FACT THAT YOU ARE IN COLLEGE!
I sent Eric a series of jackassy texts on Friday.
Here is proof:
Everyone always assumes that bizarre texts are a result of auto-correct. So I thought it would be a fun joke to deliberately send some oblique-but-possibly-real messages and escalate their weirdness. I figured Eric would have to know I was joking and hilarity would ensue.
That’s not what happened.