citizen kerry

Recently I took a cab to SoulCycle and the driver asked why I enjoy it. He said he sees many people going there, and they all the look the same, but happy.  

I said, “It’s like a dance party on a bike.” 

“Dance party on a bike?!” he said. “In 20 years of driving cab, I have never heard anyone say such a thing.” He looked at me in the rearview mirror. “Lady, either they make a fool of you or you’re a fool!” 

Then he laughed all the way from Brooklyn to Astor Place.

Read More →

What matters most in life is how we choose to look in a bikini. 

The pinnacle of womanhood is getting back your beach bod within weeks of giving birth. 

The tan is always tanner on the other person. 

Your worth as a mother is measured by how well you dress your children. 

Live a balanced life: shop some and shop some more and get designers to give you free shit. 

Always remember that true friends are people who talk about you to reporters. 

Read More →

Earlier this month, I decided to go three weeks without drinking.

I didn’t have an embarrassing tequila-infused flameout. (At least not recently.) I’d just noticed that my relationship to booze was feeling slippery.

I’d find out friends were pregnant and my first thought would be How do they go nine months without alcohol? Or I’d aim to have no more than 7 drinks a week, but a friend would visit from out of town, or I’d stop by a party on Saturday night, and suddenly (as if totally out of my control!) that number was 12. Plus, I’m Irish Catholic and a writer, so the stereotype odds are not ever in my favor.

Read More →

A few months ago, two wise friends told me, separately, in a nice-ish way, that I’m a very reactive person and maybe I should work on this. 

I did a mental scroll of issues I’ve had with people in the past decade and realized that—with every problem I’ve had, ever—my hot-headedness has played a role. (Sorry, all my ex-boyfriends!) 

Read More →

The hardest part about a quarterlife crisis is having to use such an unsavory term to describe truly uncomfortable feelings. I wish we had a more subtle way to say, “I’m in my twenties and I’m lost.” 

I’ve been thinking about this because recently, a friend who is 27, told me she was finally out of her year-long quarterlife crisis. I was amazed she could nail it down to such a specific time period.

In retrospect, my entire 20s were one long quarterlife crisis.

There was a stretch when it seemed like every year I somehow gained another 5 pounds, made $4 less an hour, and racked up even more debt.  I didn’t feel like I could control my body or my finances and oh man, it was stressful. 

Read More →

I had no interest in reading Lean In, because I had seen Sheryl Sandberg’s TedTalk and figured I got her point. I just didn’t like it.

And that point was: women shouldn’t scale back their ambition because they might have kids someday. Instead, we should lean in to our careers, because we don’t know if/when we’ll have kids. Also, the world needs more female leaders, and it’s up to us. 

It all seemed annoyingly preachy, like Michael Phelps telling us to train harder for the 400 i.m. without asking, “Hey, do you even want to swim?”  

Read More →

I want to be blunt: the Blue Lagoon is totally nuts, the nutsest thing ever. It’s whatever-comes-after-that. 

A nut allergy?

Read More →

I had the good fortune to go to Reykjavik this weekend. Based on my extensive knowledge of the country, having spent 48 hours there, I decided to write a travel guide to Iceland.

This is it!

Read More →

Yesterday I was in one of those conversations where you to try explain the premise of Perfect Strangers to a millenial. She’d sent me this video game, but had no idea that Larry and Balki were once on a hit TV show.

“Don’t be ridiculous!” I said. (No, I didn’t.)

Read More →

1. Be happy
2. Be kind

Recently I went to a Soul Cycle class with Anne. 

I went because I wanted to spend time with my friend, and was feeling more amenable to the idea of “movement” after being on a yoga retreat.

But I had no interest in spinning, or getting my ass kicked, or bike-riding, or that awful weird-mat smell I associate with fitness classes, or being with a group of women who were (I assumed) so obsessed with thin that they were choosing to suffer on a Sunday morning.

A mature person might say: I did not think it would be my style. 

You will note, I did not. 

Read More →

We need a hobby, or we need a dream, or technology has made it too easy to be an internet troll, or we don’t realize we’re being internet trolls because we have blind spots (it’s OK, we’re human!), or we think bullying only counts if the person is not famous, or it’s a distraction from trying to understand North Korea. 

Read More →

I saw a good quote over at Alain de Botton’s Twitter, which was something along the lines of: “if you’re not embarrassed by who you were a few years ago, then you’re not learning enough.”

Read More →

Years before I started practicing yoga, I wanted to go on a yoga retreat. 

Read More →

Last year, I heard many jokes about the Mayans and their calendar, but not a peep about what they got right 1,400 years ago. 

Read More →

I dont want to shock anyone, but I found dating to be very stressful.

Read More →